Is Your Past Holding Your Love Life Hostage? My Journey to Forgiveness and Unlocking Future Connection

It’s often easier to look outside for answers, to blame others, to think that if we just join that other dating site, lose a few pounds, or have just the right profile, we’ll stumble across the right person who will fix it all. I spent over a decade looking for “outside” fixes until I had the courage and know-how to take a look at what was really going on.

Unresolved past experiences can manifest as self-sabotage, fear of intimacy, or choosing partners who reinforce old wounds. I’m sure you’ve heard this before (I know I had). The thing that people aren’t talking about is how hidden, unconscious, and downright sneaky these old wounds can be. I’ll share my experience with you below because I want you to understand

Little girl looking through magnifying glass

that looking into my unconscious beliefs was the single most powerful tool for creating the relationship I wanted. And it surprised me because I didn’t think I needed to look at my past. I had a happy childhood, I was loved (very much), and my parents had always been in a loving relationship, so I couldn’t see how my past could be contributing to my present pain in the relationship arena.

It all started when I got honest enough with myself to see that I kept creating the same relationships. For me, this looked like a long chain of truly lovely men, who I felt HUGE love for, but they all had something in common. They couldn’t commit. And, that’s right, you guessed it, I thought they’d change for me. I’m sorry if you’re currently in such a relationship, clinging to the hope that they’ll be able to change for you. For me, at least, they never were. And it resulted in, well let’s just say, a lot of pain.

Now, this is a sneaky problem to have. Because on the “outside” it looks like it’s “their fault”. It sounds like this, “he can’t commit”, “he has issues he’s working on”, “he’s not ready”…. The thing is, after a decade and a handful of men in this same situation, I realized I had to at least take some responsibility. I finally had the courage to admit that I was the common denominator in all these relationships over all these years. And guess what, when I did date guys that could commit, I mysteriously couldn’t!

I was working through a practice of self-forgiveness one evening, and I was working on forgiving and loving myself, even with my inability to commit. Why couldn’t I commit? I held the question, alone in my bedroom, hugging myself gently and offering kindness. And there it was…I thought that being in a relationship meant being trapped. Even though my parents had been loving and in a loving relationship, my young mind had witnessed illness in that relationship and had linked it to pain. I didn’t want to be in a relationship because I didn’t want the pain of having to watch someone I love battle with illness. I cried, I felt guilt and shame and relief. It felt like suddenly the past decade made sense, and I had overwhelming forgiveness for all my past relationships and for myself.

I believe that life is a journey and I don’t have any regrets, but how I’d have had an easier ride if I could have seen this sooner! That’s why I created my LifeinLove programme. It’s designed on my own journey to finding love. It focuses on supporting you to build a new foundation through healing, thought work, meditation, and exercises. Taking you to a place, free from your past, where you can trust in yourself and others and where you feel ready to let love in.

Don't let yesterday dictate your tomorrow's love story. If you're ready to heal your past and embrace a future of authentic connection, the Life in Love program provides the roadmap and support. https://www.hazelbeckett.com/lifeinlove